WARNING: This blog may contain complaining and be written in a whiney tone that may get on the nerves of those people who have never had or have never been around children. If you read on, you’ve been warned!

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It’s a challenge to be thankful when I feel like my leg is being broken every minute of every day. It’s tough to be thankful when my conscripted doctor won’t see me about said leg for three weeks. It’s really hard to be thankful when I’m nauseous and vomiting and unable to eat or drink anything. It’s difficult to be thankful when I end up dehydrated with a migraine that makes me feel even worse than I did before. And then I remember…..

the last good memory of watching TV with my kids, seeing fairies flying around the room and seeing stripes on my husband’s face, seeing clouds on the ceiling, seeing my brain on the monitor as dye was injected into it while Dr. Balbaki told jokes, hearing the words ‘blood clot’ and ‘brain’ in the same sentence, waking up and realizing that I can’t see out of the right sides of my eyes or feel the right side of my body, teaching myself to walk and read and write again.

And then it’s not hard at all to be thankful; it's really quite automatic!Thankful to be breathing and living and laughing and loving and growing older and making memories and making mistakes. Thankful to be a wife and a mother and a daughter and a sister and a child of God.

Thankful just to be here to able to be!

Incredible wisdoms from my mom!...a bit at a time-Installment 2

If you know me even superficially, you know that life has been ‘taxing’ for the past two years. My health has been a constant roller coaster and my family has been through it, to say the least. Through all of this, I have prayed. I’ve prayed for little things. I’ve prayed for big things. I’ve prayed for close parking spots when I don’t feel that I can walk very far. I’ve prayed to be able to eat what I want. I HAVE PRAYED REGARDING VERY NEARLY EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN. 

People say that they’ve heard God’s answers to their prayers in whispers. They say they’ve received answers through other people. They say they’ve heard them through opportunities they’ve received. I agree with these things. I think God can answer prayer through many avenues. But it’s not the avenue I’m having a problem with; it’s the answer!

Seriously, how many times can God answer my prayers with the word…..WAIT?

I must be doing something wrong. Surely I’m asking for the wrong thing. Maybe I’m saying it too quickly. Am I wording it incorrectly? Should I try to sneak my requests in with my thanksgivings? Nah, that won’t work. I KNOW that I haven’t prayed for patience. NEVER pray for patience because then God will give you opportunities in which to practice your patience. Nope, that’s not the problem. He just keeps telling me to WAIT. I bet if I asked him if I could have another baby, he would still say ‘wait’ even though he knows the answer is a resounding NO. He’s trying to teach me something, but what?

Just a little insight in to this person God created, that her parents named 'Chrisy': I stink at waiting. Waiting makes me less than pleasant and saying that is stretching the meaning of both ‘less’ and ‘pleasant’ to the limits. So being less than pleasant, I wait and wait and wait and wait…..for what has now turned into many moons…..years. 

My parents being that they are just that, my parents, have been privy to this time of waiting in my life. I frequently discuss this with them when I feel that I have exhausted my husband’s ear to the point that if I complain one more time about the answer I receive he’s going to advise me to quit asking God for anything. My mom’s my go-to gal. She reminds me of the acronym for WAIT-Willing Admitting I Trust. I, of course, break this down and instantly have a problem with the willing part and the admitting part. Don’t blame me, it’s the psychologist in me : ( 

Last night mom came up with a new one that fit me very well! It may not be a fitting acronym for the WAIT answer that God is giving me, but it sums up what I’m feeling when he gives me that answer. This little wisdom of my mom’s is fresh and new and only a few hours old. It’s extraordinarily precious to me and its something that I can say back to God that maybe will make me feel a little bit more in control when he tells me to WAIT when I pray to him the next time. So instead of getting ‘less than pleasant’ Ill humbly say,

“You tell me to Wait, God and I will, but Why Am I Terrified?”

That’s my momma!

He makes me laugh wherever we are!

This past Saturday, like many other Saturdays past, we loaded up and headed to the farm. I was under the impression that Philip wanted to get some more fencing done, so I had prepared myself for some walking and snapping......my farm routine of norm. In hand was my Rebel and slung over my shoulder was, of course, my trusty zoom, for those up close and personal shots that call for that in-your-faceness that only my zoom can give. My battery was fully charged. I had an empty drive. The weather was sublime. I was fully covered head to toe so that I could stay warm in the balmy 70 degree weather. I was ready!

I'm ready. Now which way to go?

And then Philip threw me for a loop......he decided to walk, too.

Please be advised....this wife, mother, photographer, walker, proud-to-be-breathing daughter of the Son almost very nearly, quite absolutely had a heart attack. Now I'm not against being joined by the man of my dreams on my farm jaunts. To the contrary, I quite relished the idea. I just almost didn't know how to behave. Do I continue with my normal status quo? walking quietly while blissfully snapping rictures of randomness in paparazzi mode. Do I harness the Rebel for the time being and walk casually beside the man of my dreams while secretly thinking, "Gotta come back and take a picture of that....and that....and that. Oh, look at that!"

I was at a loss for a few steps, though I quickly learned how he melded into the scene.....quite perfectly!

What I thought was going to be a solo jaunt quickly became a family affair! The four of us; myself, Philip, PJ, and Avy headed out into the fields. With camera at the ready, my man by my side, and our children skipping happily in front of us we headed out for grand adventures!

The wind found us at the very end of the bottom following the creek bed up as far as it would let us go. Due to the dry conditions of late, this was a very far piece up the bottom. Nala, my faithful walking buddy, swam in every pool of stagnant water there was, no matter how small and nasty it was. She enjoyed herself, especially when she shook all over us. When we had gone just about as far as we could without getting our feet wet, we traversed some briars and brambles and came out midfield. Thankfully my forward thinking husband had thought to put a gate in the barb-wire fencing at this very spot. He must've known the day was coming that his family would need safe passage through. He always has us in mind in everything he does; this is quite evident.

Checking out the dry creek bed

We continued our jaunt and decided a stop at the pier on the pond was in order. Nothing new there. Nala swam and subsequently proceeded to bathe us in pond water when she shook right beside us; as she always does. She is faithfully consistent. I can't fault her for that.

Nothing new happening at the pond

We took passage through another well-placed gate back down to the creek. There is always water at this spot and this day was no exception. Of course, Nala splashed in with wild abandon and the children were ready to wade in as well. I suggested we go farther down to where they had built their rock damns the weekend before. All were in favor so we headed out.

We reached the spot by the bridge in little time and the children set off to wade. There is a sitting rock that I enjoy resting on but it has an unfortunate peak right where my behind sits. I mentioned this to Philip and he remedied the situation. My rock is now flat enough to sit on with no peak in my tail to bother my thoughts. While the children waded Philip and I sat together and watched them. What a blessing it was to sit and watch our children. The sun felt warm on my back, but my heart felt warmer because of the man sitting beside me. What a blessing he is to me. What a blessing this walk was to me. He may have thrown me for a loop at first, but in the end it was pure heaven.

Later during the day Philip did do some work on the fencing and I actually got to help him. The children pitched in too. We were over by Granny's pond and Avy and I had just found some of the last honeysuckle of the season. It was beautiful. Of course, I took pictures. I had been taking pictures all day. You're crazy if you think I hadn't been : )  PJ, my budding photographer asked if he could take some pictures. Our son's pictures blow my mind. He sees things just like I do, but differently. I always enjoy looking at the pictures he takes and I knew that his time with the camera was not going to be any less of a treat. Oh how true that became when I looked at his work.

Laughing with my baby girl!

My baby's growing up...bittersweet.

I love this picture of us!

I was sitting there on the hill in the sun feeling the warmth of the moment and enjoying the smell of the honeysuckle. Avy had gone to explore and PJ was off taking pictures. Nala was running around in the tall weeds digging, Im sure. Philip stopped his fencing and came and sat beside me. Philip makes me laugh daily and this day was no different. He started making up a silly song about Nala and her exploring. Not surprising, I was doubled over with laughter. The man is hysterical! He gave me a kiss when he finished the song and went back to fencing. When he finished, we headed home. And then I looked at the pictures that were taken on our family walk.

What a story those pictures tell. PJ succeeded in taking more pictures of me today than I have ever had pictures taken of me in my life. But thats not the telling part of the day. I was laughing in very nearly all of them. The ones PJ took below are my very most favorite.

Making me laugh!

I love this man! What a precious memory : )

I hope to have many more walks as a family of four. After everything Ive experienced in the past two years and everything God has allowed me to go through, these times that I spend with the three of them are so precious to me. I draw on these memories when Im having a tough day and then the day isnt so tough any more! Thank you God for the blessing of my family. There are so special to me.

Incredible wisdoms from my mom!....a bit at a time.

I, being the youngest of all of her children, thought it was my God-given right to get my way....so I'm told.

Of course, in my mind I remember being as sweet as an angel. I can also recall frequently hearing my momma say to me......

Do you need to go

flush that attitude,

Chrisy?

That’s my momma!

Original Post Date: Friday November 6, 2010

My Prayer Today

Psalm 35 (New Living Translation)

Reworded to fit the situation

A psalm of David.

 ¹ O Lord, oppose those who oppose him.
      Fight those who fight against him.
 ² Put on your armor, and take up your shield.
      Prepare for battle, and come to his aid.
 ³ Lift up your spear and javelin
      against those who pursue him.
   Let him hear you say,
      “I will give you victory!”
 ⁴ Bring shame and disgrace on those trying to kill him;
      turn them back and humiliate those who want to harm him.
 ⁵ Blow them away like chaff in the wind—
      a wind sent by the angel of the Lord.
 ⁶ Make their path dark and slippery,
      with the angel of the Lord pursuing them.
 ⁷ He did them no wrong, but they laid a trap for him.
      He did them no wrong, but they dug a pit to catch him.
 ⁸ So let sudden ruin come upon them!
      Let them be caught in the trap they set for him!
      Let them be destroyed in the pit they dug for him.  

⁹ Then we will rejoice in the Lord.
      We will be glad because he rescues him.
 ¹⁰ With every bone in our bodies we will praise him:
      “Lord, who can compare with you?
   Who else rescues the helpless from the strong?
      Who else protects the helpless and poor from those who rob them?”
 ¹¹ Malicious witnesses testify against him.
      They accuse him of crimes he knows nothing about.
 ¹² They repay him evil for good.
      We are sick with despair.
 ¹³ Yet when they were ill, he grieved for them.
      He denied himself by fasting for them,
      but his prayers returned unanswered.
 ¹⁴ He was sad, as though they were his friends or family,
      as if he was grieving for his own mother.
 ¹⁵ But they are glad now that he is in trouble;
      they gleefully join together against him.
   He is attacked by people he doesn’t even know;
      they slander him constantly.
 ¹⁶ They mock him and call him names;
      they snarl at him.
 ¹⁷ How long, O Lord, will you look on and do nothing?
      Rescue him from their fierce attacks.
      Protect his life from these lions!
 ¹⁸ Then we will thank you in front of the great assembly.
      We will praise you before all the people.
 ¹⁹ Don’t let his treacherous enemies rejoice over his defeat.
      Don’t let those who hate him without cause gloat over his sorrow.
 ²⁰ They don’t talk of peace;
      they plot against innocent people who mind their own business.
 ²¹ They shout, “Aha! Aha!
      With our own eyes we saw him do it!”
 ²² O Lord, you know all about this.
      Do not stay silent.
      Do not abandon him now, O Lord.
 ²³ Wake up! Rise to his defense!
      Take up his case, my God and my Lord.
 ²⁴ Declare him not guilty, O Lord my God, for you give justice.
      Don’t let his enemies laugh about him in his troubles.
 ²⁵ Don’t let them say, “Look, we got what we wanted!
      Now we will eat him alive!”
 ²⁶ May those who rejoice at his troubles
      be humiliated and disgraced.
   May those who triumph over him
      be covered with shame and dishonor.
 ²⁷ But give great joy to those who came to his defense.
      Let them continually say, “Great is the Lord,
      who delights in blessing his servant with peace!”
 ²⁸ Then we will proclaim your justice,
      and we will praise you all day long.
Amen

My Love

 

Original Post Date: Wednesday November 3, 2010

I'm sure I was a sight!

After I picked up the children from school yesterday, we made our way to our farm just across the stateline to see the fencing progress that my husband has made on his off days. On the way up, I listened to the weather to see if the rain that had been sitting in Memphis was gonna show up to ruin a good thing. The voice on the radio assured me that all was clear and that I could walk around the farm without getting wet. The liar!

The rainy, misty bottom

At first I was perturbed and disappointed that #1) I couldn't walk around and see what all Philip had accomplished but mainly #2) that I couldnt walk around and take pictures with my ultra wonderful, always with me wherever I go camera and zoom lens. For a while in my mind all was ruined, wasted, a bum trip. But Wait, an aha moment! God gave us the umbrella which, when used correctly, allows one to walk in the rain while NOT GETTING WET! The day, my walk, and my picture taking time was saved!!!!
Picture me if you will; pink tobogan half covering long brown hair, white cotton jacket and jeans, tennis shoes, and the biggest pink/white Breast Cancer Awareness umbrella known to man, carrying my beloved Canon Rebel securely next to my body walking through the woods and the fields while the rain beats a steady rhythm overhead.


Im sure I was a sight walking in the fields!


It was pure bliss and I learned several things.
        1) I must invest in foul-weather gear for both myself and my Rebel
        2)Holding an umbrella while trying to zoom in on something infintessimally small is a feat in and of itself.
        3)There is nothing quite like the sound of the rain falling in the woods.
        4)Everything looks different in the mist!
        5)I enjoyed myself immensely and will make rainy day walks part of my normal routine now!
        6)While the umbrella kept myself and my Rebel relatively moisture free, my feet did turn out worse 
            for the wear so I will also have to invest in some of those ultra silly rain boots for my next jaunt!

Original Post Date: Tuesday November 2, 2010

Looking Back to Look Forward

 

Surely if I look back for a time just to reflect a bit, God won't turn me into a pillar of salt...will he? Isn't it by looking back that we learn how to live according to God's word, how to raise our children, how to be? By looking back we inevitably look forward; forward to the day when what we did yesterday or last week comes to fruition & we see the fruits of our labors.

Last night was the last game of my son's first football season. He is already looking forward to the next season. I, on the other hand, am reflecting back on the season past & seeing how much he has grown; grown into a young man that reminds me so much of his father. He has the same three-point stance, the same run, the same position, even the same jersey #78, the same calm demeanor. He's nine years old & just finished his first season of what may be something that can pay for his college if he continues to love it & do well at it. I'm sitting here thinking back to when I first felt his small flutterings inside my tummy, saw his little foot make a bump on my tummy, fell in love with his face & eyes for the first time. Now he's out there knocking other boys on their backs and yes, I'm proud. I am forced to look to the caring & compassionate young man he is growing up to be while my heart wants to hold him just a bit longer as my innocent & helpless baby. A more caring & compassionate young man you will never meet even though his size makes him fearsome. A prouder mom you will never meet.

I trust my daughter implicitly....its all those other people around her that I have a problem trusting! Last night was a night for many reflections and much personal growth on my part. If you know me well, you may know some of my career experiences in that large arena of Hell known as Social Services. I have seen atrocities brought against children that no human should see let alone have to experience. I believe there is a special place in Hell for people that do these things to children. There has to be. My time in this profession has changed me immeasurably. Naivety flew out the window. In its place where planted suspicion, mistrust, doubt, apprehension, incredulity....fear! Everyone was suspect and no one tells the truth. It has been with this horrible & atrocious fear that I raise my children. Please understand that I don't tell my children these things, but I do check everyone they come in contact with. It's incredibly easy to do & incredibly scary what people hide these days. You think everyone around your kids is safe. I guarantee they're not! Anyway, last night at the football game, my daughter had to use the restroom which happened to be all the way across the field, up some steps, & out of my sight. We were waiting on my husband to get there from the farm & I didn't want to miss him. I was told in no uncertain terms by my daughter, "Mom, I can handle this. It's just a trip to the bathroom. Sit here, wait for dad & I'll be right back." Every nerve in my body screamed NNNNOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! while on the outside I calmly replied, "Go straight there. If somebody tries to steal you, you know what to scream. I'll be waiting right here.I love you." Off she walked while I crumbled inside with my eagle eyes on her the entire way. I lost sight of her at the top of the stairs & had to fight myself to keep my seat. My husband arrived a bit after she went into the restroom & I calmy told him where she was, of course, without taking my eyes off the spot where I last saw her. After what seemed like an eternity & after I reflected on her life in my mind's eye, she finally reappeared & came back to me, washed hands & all. For you parents out there that think I'm being way too over-protective, I agree with you 100%. For you parents out there that think I need to let my kids grow a bit, I agree 100%. But how can I when I just don't trust all those other people?

I had to look back last night to look forward. My son and his last football game of his first season. My daughter going all the way across the field out of my sight surrounded by strangers to go to the bathroom. Looking back was a good way to get me to look forward; forward to the mom I want to be for my children, forward to the child I want to be for God. A mom that can trust her children to trust God to keep them safe, a child of God who can trust God to change her heart and outlook.

Delete one and start another!

I was hacked : ) Who, pray tell, would want to hack my little ol' blog? A meanie person, thats who! And so one account is deleted and another one is born : )