Looking Back to Look Forward
Surely if I look back for a time just to reflect a bit, God won't turn me into a pillar of salt...will he? Isn't it by looking back that we learn how to live according to God's word, how to raise our children, how to be? By looking back we inevitably look forward; forward to the day when what we did yesterday or last week comes to fruition & we see the fruits of our labors.
Last night was the last game of my son's first football season. He is already looking forward to the next season. I, on the other hand, am reflecting back on the season past & seeing how much he has grown; grown into a young man that reminds me so much of his father. He has the same three-point stance, the same run, the same position, even the same jersey #78, the same calm demeanor. He's nine years old & just finished his first season of what may be something that can pay for his college if he continues to love it & do well at it. I'm sitting here thinking back to when I first felt his small flutterings inside my tummy, saw his little foot make a bump on my tummy, fell in love with his face & eyes for the first time. Now he's out there knocking other boys on their backs and yes, I'm proud. I am forced to look to the caring & compassionate young man he is growing up to be while my heart wants to hold him just a bit longer as my innocent & helpless baby. A more caring & compassionate young man you will never meet even though his size makes him fearsome. A prouder mom you will never meet.
Last night was the last game of my son's first football season. He is already looking forward to the next season. I, on the other hand, am reflecting back on the season past & seeing how much he has grown; grown into a young man that reminds me so much of his father. He has the same three-point stance, the same run, the same position, even the same jersey #78, the same calm demeanor. He's nine years old & just finished his first season of what may be something that can pay for his college if he continues to love it & do well at it. I'm sitting here thinking back to when I first felt his small flutterings inside my tummy, saw his little foot make a bump on my tummy, fell in love with his face & eyes for the first time. Now he's out there knocking other boys on their backs and yes, I'm proud. I am forced to look to the caring & compassionate young man he is growing up to be while my heart wants to hold him just a bit longer as my innocent & helpless baby. A more caring & compassionate young man you will never meet even though his size makes him fearsome. A prouder mom you will never meet.
I trust my daughter implicitly....its all those other people around her that I have a problem trusting! Last night was a night for many reflections and much personal growth on my part. If you know me well, you may know some of my career experiences in that large arena of Hell known as Social Services. I have seen atrocities brought against children that no human should see let alone have to experience. I believe there is a special place in Hell for people that do these things to children. There has to be. My time in this profession has changed me immeasurably. Naivety flew out the window. In its place where planted suspicion, mistrust, doubt, apprehension, incredulity....fear! Everyone was suspect and no one tells the truth. It has been with this horrible & atrocious fear that I raise my children. Please understand that I don't tell my children these things, but I do check everyone they come in contact with. It's incredibly easy to do & incredibly scary what people hide these days. You think everyone around your kids is safe. I guarantee they're not! Anyway, last night at the football game, my daughter had to use the restroom which happened to be all the way across the field, up some steps, & out of my sight. We were waiting on my husband to get there from the farm & I didn't want to miss him. I was told in no uncertain terms by my daughter, "Mom, I can handle this. It's just a trip to the bathroom. Sit here, wait for dad & I'll be right back." Every nerve in my body screamed NNNNOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! while on the outside I calmly replied, "Go straight there. If somebody tries to steal you, you know what to scream. I'll be waiting right here.I love you." Off she walked while I crumbled inside with my eagle eyes on her the entire way. I lost sight of her at the top of the stairs & had to fight myself to keep my seat. My husband arrived a bit after she went into the restroom & I calmy told him where she was, of course, without taking my eyes off the spot where I last saw her. After what seemed like an eternity & after I reflected on her life in my mind's eye, she finally reappeared & came back to me, washed hands & all. For you parents out there that think I'm being way too over-protective, I agree with you 100%. For you parents out there that think I need to let my kids grow a bit, I agree 100%. But how can I when I just don't trust all those other people?
I had to look back last night to look forward. My son and his last football game of his first season. My daughter going all the way across the field out of my sight surrounded by strangers to go to the bathroom. Looking back was a good way to get me to look forward; forward to the mom I want to be for my children, forward to the child I want to be for God. A mom that can trust her children to trust God to keep them safe, a child of God who can trust God to change her heart and outlook.
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